The Death Star isn't built with love, but by selling millions of headphones. And how do you sell headphones? Marketing.
Many people ask how many people work in Valco's acclaimed and multi-million euro raking marketing team. Answer: one. Henri.
Conquering the galaxy is a bit too much for one guy, even if he's got a black cloak and breathing issues. That's why we're setting up our own incredibly grumpy marketing team – Valco's Avengers – and we're looking for a couple of minions to join right from the start.
We need an extra pair of eyes, a pair of hands—and someone else to do everything nobody else wants to.
We're primarily looking for junior-level folks we can train, mold—and exploit. We also welcome internship applications. Interns are especially fun to exploit.
But we don't discriminate: even the more experienced can volunteer to be exploited if they wish.
We're looking for heroes who will work in Oulu or Kajaani. Remote work isn't an option because we want to witness our minions' suffering firsthand.
1. PAIR OF EYES – VISUAL EXPERT
- You have a natural knack for knowing what looks good and what doesn't. We can't teach you that, because we don't know it ourselves.
- You know how to make things look good. Pictures, ads, social media stuff, maybe even videos. And all without AI.
- You're a whiz with Photoshop, Illustrator, Canva, TikTok, a pencil, or whatever these tools are called.
- Video skills are a plus, even phone videos will do to start. As long as there's content. You don't have to be Spielberg, even Penttilä will do.
2. EXTRA HANDS – COMPUTER TAPPER
- You're organized, proactive, and keep things under control even when everyone else has forgotten the project exists.
- You know how to use online tools like Shopify, Mailchimp, and Google Ads, and you're not afraid to learn more.
- Excel doesn't gross you out, SEO doesn't scare you, and a bit of coding (or at least understanding it) is doable – at least with ChatGPT's help.
- You're into social media, content, interaction, and figuring out why some things work and others don't.
3. SOMEONE ELSE
- When no one else has the time, desire, or energy, all eyes turn to you.
- You might not be the best at anything—but for some reason, everyone assumes you'll handle everything. You do have one valuable skill, though—you can read and write.
- You take things to the finish line with obsessive precision. The boring stuff. Lists, tables, notes, summaries, spreadsheets, etc.
- When someone sighs "can't someone else handle this?", you know it's you.
- You don't need praise or a big paycheck. And you're not getting either.
WHAT WE EXPECT FROM EVERYONE
It's essential here that you can work independently, take responsibility, and be organized—because our management is a disaster.
You don't have to be that annoyingly energetic person who wakes up on the exercise bike tweeting "Good coffee. Good raw porridge. Good energy levels. Gonna be a good day. Good morning."
It's enough that you're the kind of person who can be told, "this needs to get done" – and then it happens. Not right away, but eventually.
We hope you'll stick around for a while. If you're planning to join a circus caravan or go on a pilgrimage, save it for the 2040s. We're aiming to conquer the galaxy and subjugate humanity, and we can't do it without loyal minions.
WHAT THE JOB REALLY INVOLVES
Implementing Valco's ever-changing and poorly planned marketing strategy, dreamed up by entrepreneurs in a cabin or on a boat. Everything else depends on what you can do, what's needed, and whatever's been thought up at the time.
Before doing anything else, spend some time in customer service to really understand what we do. Customer service teaches you just the right amount of humility and misanthropy needed in this company.
In the end, a pair of eyes creates the visual stuff, and a pair of hands pushes it out into the world, wondering why no one likes it. Someone else then does something else.
A workday in Valco's marketing team might go something like this:
You wake up, scratch yourself, and head to the office in the sleet. You make coffee and turn on your computer, which is as stuck as your career. No one else is around, so you unbutton your pants when the bloat hits. Teams starts. Remote work is banned, but apparently, Henri is in Malaga.
In the video meeting, you stand up and your pants fall down just as the late colleague arrives at the office. Henri announces that the campaign isn't working. No one clicks, no one likes. You're not sure if he means the ad or you as a person.
You grab a roll from the fridge from the day before yesterday. It tastes like life: dry and crappy. You watch as your friend tweaks pixels with their face glued to the screen. You make a list of things you won't have time to do anyway. Excel crashes.
At the end of the day, a coworker asks, "Anything new?" You reply, "No." You both know there never is. It's raining on the way home, and you don't have an umbrella. At least being wet feels like something.
WHAT WE OFFER
- A salary similar to what you'd get at some bland digital agency for kissing clients' behinds. The pay depends on how experienced and skilled you are, so it's probably somewhere between €2000 – €4500 per month.
- A real chance to do such bad marketing that you'd get fired anywhere else, and you don't even have to deal with customers directly.
- The key to being in the right place at the right time in the company that's destined to become the universe's most beautiful and best.
- Plenty of Valco products. We don't really have employee benefits. Maybe a warm handshake.
- A computer terminal and some kind of office to sit in with a couple of others. The work community isn't dynamic or fun at all, unlike every other job ad out there.
- If you have talents beyond turning rye bread into cr*p, you could theoretically move on to other gigs as the company grows. No promises, though.
APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS
We're too scared to answer the phone. If you have any questions, shoot an email to Henri: henri(at)valco.fi.
Applications and CVs WITH SALARY EXPECTATIONS should be sent to hr(at)valco.fi.
For the subject line, depending on what you're looking for, PAIR OF EYES, PAIR OF HANDS, or SOMETHING ELSE.
Please attach all files preferably in PDF format.
NOTE! Applications by Sun 22.6.2025. We're in a bit of a rush with this, so speed is of the essence.
PS: We're on the hunt for marketing wizards. If you're just generally awesome, feel free to send us an open application anytime. We're especially interested in engineer types who get the inner workings of wireless gadgets. And hey, there's always a spot for skilled B2B salespeople too.
Our plan is to hire between two and five million people over the next few years. So, at least two people, but no more than five million.
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