Miscellaneous Writings

A plain text logo just isn’t enough if your goal is to dominate humanity. That’s why Valco has acquired a new emblem. Read the uncensored story of how the new logo was born in a train station bar and how it suspiciously resembles the symbol of a certain political party.

Valco is the world’s friendliest little evil corporation, but by 2025, the joke is starting to stick in our throats. The headphone market is a brutal oligopoly where Apple and the other giants own the game, and the small players are left licking crumbs off the floor. Since we can’t win with money or sheer evil, we’re forced to escalate. The solution: EU-backed dual-use technology and a Death Star, funded by communal debt.

We are proud to announce our new flagship model Valco VMK25.2. It is technically superior, more stable, and more durable than its predecessor – but the price is exactly the same, 199 euros.

We are expected to explain the superiority of the headphones. In reality, they are as good as others. The real difference comes from what we do when they are not.

We proudly present the new Valco VMK15 model. They are compact on-ear noise-cancelling headphones, designed especially for those with a smaller head or less money than our flagship model VMK25.2 demands.

Valco's organizational structure is based on a deliberately unconventional organizational model, which we call the Minion Model™. This is not a joke, but a consistently constructed and theoretically radical approach to organizational behavior.

We're now setting up our own incredibly fierce marketing team – Valco's Avengers – and we're looking for a couple of minions to start with. We need a pair of eyes, a pair of hands – and someone else to do everything the others won't. Our plan is to hire between two and five million people over the next few years. So, at least two people, at most five million.